


Therapy & Unburden

by MadFictionalUniverse



Series: Steven & Amethyst [1]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen, Nonbinary Character, Nonbinary Smoky Quartz, Self-Esteem Issues, amethyst and steven are really close, fight me, she's like a big sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 18:31:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13277400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadFictionalUniverse/pseuds/MadFictionalUniverse
Summary: Steven thinks about how it feels to be Smoky Quartz with Amethyst.(or: the evolution of their relationship before and after Smoky)





	Therapy & Unburden

**Author's Note:**

> So, yeah, this is my first fanfic in this site, I really hope you like it.  
> I just love how Steven and Amethyst are even more close now, sharing their feelings and problems and that's why I wanted to write about this + Smoky, who's one of my favorite fusions, maybe the favorite of all of them. They don't even need to dance to form they!  
> Oh, yeah, one more thing: I see Smoky Quartz as a nonbinary character, so, I use the pronouns they/their/them.

For some reason, being Smoky Quartz along with Amethyst doesn’t feel weird, not even a little bit. Sure, it’s different than being Stevonnie, because he’s fusing with a _gem_ this time.

It occurs his mind that Amethyst was the first Crystal Gem to ever fuse with him. And for some reason, that’s not weird too. No, he never expected that it would be her. He never really tried to guess. Steven never thought he would ever be able to fuse with one of them.

But there they were. Together. More than ever.

He liked it. And he could feel that Amethyst did too. It was like being Smoky was the real guarantee that they would always understand, support and be there for each other. Even when they were feeling… _Unsure, unloved, lonely, scared, imperfect, defective, flawed, unwanted_. It was almost scary how being small and young as both were in their own ways, they were still able to feel such hard emotions.

But they had gotten really close after talking at the Ruins. So, they helped each other with these emotions now. Talking when they needed, no matter what they were doing before. They would sit and talk. _No secrets_.

He heard Pearl and Garnet asking each other that one day. It was past midnight, and he was supposed to be asleep. But the nightmares, _oh, the nightmares_ , were just too real. Steven couldn’t sleep, and though he shouldn’t, he listened them anyway.

He still doesn’t know if he regrets it.

“Why her?” Pearl said “I mean, I’m so proud of them but… How did they manage to do that themselves? We taught Stevonnie, but we never really taught him how to fuse with gems. I just…- “

“I understand.” Garnet answered “We weren’t even sure he was able to do that. And yes, I want to know what made Steven and Amethyst that close.”

 _She didn’t know_. He thought. _How come Garnet didn’t know?_

But when he ponders about it, it’s kinda obvious. Amethyst doesn’t talk to Garnet and Pearl the way she does with him. She never actually told Garnet how she felt left behind when Sugilite was put on the bench. She never actually told Pearl how she felt even more like a _mistake_ every time Pearl said she did things all wrong. It still bothered her.

Everything still kinda bothered her.

Jasper, Sugilite, being small, defective. _Everything._

Before their talk at the Ruins, then at Beta Kindergarten, before Smoky, to be honest, it was difficult to figure out how Amethyst really felt about things. She just got good at hiding her real emotions, pretending she was fine or that she didn’t care.

But now, _now_ it was like he could read her expressions, her mind.

_****_

X 

_****_

She told him how it felt for her. They were at the seashore watching the sunset one week after Steven came back from Homeworld.

“It’s like a little voice.” She explained. “After saving bad things too long for myself it’s like I can’t stop hearing it. It sucks, dude.”

“What’s it saying?”

“It says everything that makes me hate myself… Like a reminder that as much as I try I will never get over it. Does that make sense?”

It did. Steven thought that maybe he was starting to feel all of that too.

“Yeah. I think this is what it’s happening to me, but not all the time, you know. I’ve been having nightmares every night.”

“Since when?” Amethyst asked moving closer to him. Her voice was, well, neutral. He knew she cared. He knew she was already expecting something like this. They started to know each other better than anyone else after they started talking to each other about their problems.

“Since… I don’t even know!” He closed his eyes strongly. “I guess everything started to get worse after I poofed Bismuth.”

“That wasn’t your fault, bro.” Amethyst squeezed his right shoulder. 

“I know but…- “

“Do you really?” Amethyst questioned, sounding tired.

“No.” Steven was feeling tired too. 

Amethyst took a deep breath. Repeating that he shouldn’t feel guilty wouldn’t make the guilt go away. She knew that. She felt that. “We’ve been through some hard stuff, man.” She looked at the sky. “Things are bothering me too. New things.”

“Like what? The Diamonds?”

“That too. But it’s more like who _works_ for them. Those Amethysts, Jaspers, Carnelian… _Famethyst for life!_ ” She said with a not so enthusiastic tone. “I-I don’t even know if they’re still alive…”

“But… Who would’ve break them?” Steven asked. “It’s not like the Diamonds are always around them.”

“ _Holly Blue_ , Steven. Did you see the way she treated them? How she hurt them literally all the time?! As much as I think she will keep her mouth shut, I don’t think she will stop hurting them. It’s her function.”

Steven suddenly heard Yellow Diamond’s voice inside his head, singing. _An Agate terrifies_.

Amethyst continued. “They have been there for thousands of years. Thousands of years of _abuse_. They’re afraid of her, even if it’s deep, deep inside. And I… _We_ can’t do anything about it.”

Steven tried to find a way to comfort her, but, telling her that they were going to be fine, that Holly Blue won’t hurt them anymore wouldn’t help. 

“At least not now.” After a while, he finally spoke. “But we will rescue them.”

“Hey Ste-man, have you ever realized that as the time goes by, we have an even bigger list of gems to rescue and help? I wonder if we’re really helping or just…- “

He finished the sentence for her. “Making everything worse?”

“Yeah.”

“I wonder that all the time. Lapis, the Rubies, maybe Jasper, the Famethyst, and now… the Off Colors.”

“They are the gems that Homeworld sees as flawed, right?” Amethyst questioned. Yes, he told her about them. Fluorite, the Rutile twins, Rhodonite and Padparadscha. 

“Yes. Like us.” Steven gave her a smile, which she corresponded.

“Like us.”

_****_

X 

_****_

Their conversations aren’t for therapy or anything. It’s just that sometimes they need someone to unburden. Someone who understands. 

Amethyst has thousands of years of hidden emotions to unburden. Steven is more than happy to be that someone for her. The same goes for her.

But sometimes… Unburden is just not enough.

One example was when Steven had a nightmare about his mom. Like the day at his fusion practice with Connie when he saw Rose Quartz looking at him with pure disgust and anger. He woke up sweating, his eyes wide open, he was crying.

Amethyst seemed to be sleepless too. She was at the kitchen looking at him with worry before going upstairs, sitting by his side handing him a cup of water. He drank it fast, realizing that his hands were shaking.

No words were need. Amethyst knew that it was like that every time his nightmares were about Rose. Steven gave her a hurtful look, his eyes tearing up.

 _Defeated, tired, exhausted, sorrowful_.

She hugged him tightly, he buried his face on her neck crying silently. Amethyst saw herself starting to cry as she said.

“It’s okay, Steven. I got you. I’m here.”

 _I’m here. I’m here. I’m here_.

Their gems glowed. Smoky took their places on Steven’s bed.

They can feel tears down they own face. Amethyst and Steven’s tears. But they smile.

 _Acceptance, love, support, comfort, security_. That’s what they feel now. 

Amethyst and Steven’s conversations aren’t therapy. But maybe being just Smoky is.


End file.
